Well, as I mentioned in the introduction, this blog would take shape in response to the influences in my life at any given time. In fact, there is no other way it can take shape. This letter to my mother is the fruit of a particular experience and of course all of the experiences of my life that preceded it. Unless she reads this blog, she will never see this letter. It's not really meant for her anyway. It is in part a reflex to a very painful stimuli. What is not mere reflex is my mind working to make sense of the experience, at least for now with the knowledge and understanding I presently possess. Your comments will be appreciated.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Dear Mom,
A couple of days before Christmas, Rick (my brother) informed me via email that both you and Nan ( my mother’s sister who lives with her) were practically bedridden with the flu and in desperate need of some nursing and general assistance. Immediately, I felt the desire to jump on a plane, fly the 13 times zones (I am in The Philippines, my mother in Louisiana) in order to provide a measure of comfort to you both. I was also mindful of your’s and Nan’s advanced age (77 and 87 respectively) and the fact that for people so long in the tooth the flu is often much more then a mere nuisance. I talked to Hector (my incredibly loving partner who also happens to be a registered nurse) and we both decided that traveling there to assist you both would be an act of kindness, though with some difficulty and expense, we could render unto you both. So, when I called you on Christmas day, it wasn’t just to wish you an innocuous Merry Christmas, but to also lift your spirits with the knowledge that your son and his partner both cared enough for you to undertake such an endeavor. But, upon revealing the good news to you , you dealt me a blow to the stomach with a red hot iron that burned long after it was delivered. You said, “You cannot stay here. This is a Christian home and I won’t have that in my house.” Those words will ring in my ears till the day I die.
After our call ended, which you will recall was not long after your assault, I regained most of my composure and began to ponder what could it possibly be about being Christian that would cause you to throw a pile of shit like that into the face of someone who loved and cared for you so much as to be willing to do for you what I was willing and ready to do. I went to my Bible, yes, I have a Bible (As will become more then obvious as this letter unfolds, I am not a Christian) and here are some of the things I found along with some secular wisdom:
It is generally accepted as wise that a good offense is a strong defense. But you hold the opposite opinion it seems, that a good defense is to be strongly offensive. I hadn’t even asked for us to stay at your Christian house. Though doing so would seem obvious since the whole purpose of our going there was to help you. This is not the first time you have used the pre-emptive strike against me. When I was there in November without Hector and I needed a ride to the airport because the one I had arranged fell through, upon telling you this you immediately pronounced ex cathedra, “Well, I’m not going to take you!” You really are quite good at the body punch. I hadn’t even asked you to take me. And, even if I had asked, you could have said something kind, wonderful and Christian like, “Oh, sorry to hear that. I can’t take you myself but let’s work together to make sure you arrive in time for your flight.” That would have been both more Christian and more humane, don’t you think?
I just don’t understand why the whole gay thing is so troublesome for so many Christians. I know it took you all a while, but you eventually came to accept in the light of irrefutable scientific discovery that the earth was not really flat and that the sun did not revolve around it. Though it is prudent here to recall that acceptance of this reality did not arrive without its martyrs; the many burned alive for daring to contradict the Bible and the mighty Holy Roman Catholic Church. Like those discoveries, and please note that a discovery is really just uncovering what is already there but up till that point unseen, it has been “discovered” (finally!) by the experts in the field of psychiatry and psychology that homosexuality is a natural occurrence in human beings, primates and other animals. That’s right, natural. Now, does being Christian actually require that you reject discovery completely or just until a fixed number of people have suffered enough to help you let go of your absurd fixation with adherence to being a mindless slave to enacting Bible mandates as they are literally written? If this is so, you can rest assured that by now Christians have caused untold suffering to the homosexuals among us and preceding us. How much more suffering do you require? Do you know? Is it in the Bible somewhere? Would you use the Bible as your sole source of information on geography (flat earth, earth at center of universe, earth mounted on four really large columns - that illustration was in my Bible when I was a boy- )? How about medicine ( leprosy and menstruation are curses)? Is the Bible your sole source for that? I could go on and on here but it is obvious to anyone with firing neurons that using the Bible as a sole source of anything is patently absurd.
It is said that you should not judge someone till you have walked a mile in that person’s shoes. So, just for the revelation it may provide you, imagine that you yourself were homosexual. How would it affect you? How would you feel if the self-proclaimed “righteous” despite all scientific evidence to the contrary continued to hold that there was something inherently defective about you? That even when they reached the conclusion that homosexuality itself was ok but actually living a homosexual life, expressing your very nature in a loving way was sinful? That no matter how loving and kind you were, any homosexual acts made you a monster and abhorrent to man and God. You might do as I have and looked at how Jesus himself responded to those engaged in perceived sexual transgressions. Jesus caused scandal by dining and associating with prostitutes. Dining with someone back then was considered quite intimate. Can you find even a single incidence in the Bible of Jesus condemning prostitutes? What about the woman about to be stoned by the crowed for having committed adultery? He told the crowd that the one among them without sin should cast the first stone, essentially admonishing them to humbly consider their own sinfulness before scrutinizing the sinfulness of another. Remove the plank from your own eye before going after the mote in the eye of another. But, let me assert here, I don’t think, and neither do the experts, that homosexuality is sinful or mote producing, but even if it was, Jesus is quite clear about what your response to it should be. In fact, if you read your Bible well, you will see that aside from a helpless fig tree, the only thing Jesus ever condemned were the Pharisees who thought themselves the most pious and righteous of all.
Now, I do know that the Bible does say some very explicit and ugly things about homosexuality. In the New Testament it is Saint Paul who authors they admonitions. In the Old Testament, chiefly the admonitions against homosexuality are found in Leviticus along with laws proscribing death to those who eat pork , shrimp, death to unruly children, who, according to Leviticus should be taken to the city gates and dashed to death upon them. Read on and on for more insanity. Please note however that in the entire Bible, Jesus utters not one single word regarding homosexuality, not one. If, homosexuality is an offense against God of the magnitude Christians make it out to be, you would think Jesus might have said something about it.
If the trouble with homosexuality is that it is technically adultery since some parts of society still will not allow same sex marriage, you might want to do some research on what marriage really is historically and how the only role of society is to note that two persons have themselves “married” by committing to live a loving life together with each other. Even now in marriage ceremonies, the minister or judge does not say, “I marry you” or “I cause you to be married”. Essentially the function of the minister or judge is to pronounce formally the union that was created by the couple themselves. Societal failure to recognize homosexual marriages does nothing to avert them, it only averts official recognition of them. So, therefore, homosexuals in a loving, committed relationship are married, whether you think they are or not and cannot commit adultery. But, again, even if you hold it is adulterous, recall Jesus’ response to adultery and contemplate your own sinfulness please.
Sadly, it is inescapably apparent, that you and others who share your views on homosexuality are in grave error. To steadfastly cling to your ignorance in the face of scientific research, careful examination of everything said in the Bible and just plain common sense requires tenacious self-righteousness, towering arrogance, deep, cold mean spiritedness and a Pharisaical sense of superiority. And let’s not forget the gargantuan hubris of thinking you know better then others the very mind and desires of God.
You and those like you are toxic. From 13 time zones away it sickens me. I will not expose Hector to your venom any more then I would give a child a viper as a crib mate. You will never have to worry about having “that” in your Christian house.
Now, just to be thorough, perhaps you might consider what follows as well.
Take an objective look at history. Identify honestly what caused the most suffering to humans over the last two thousand years. Look for the eruptions of cruel subjugation, manipulation, threats of terror, torture and death and the actual infliction of said terrors, tortures and death. Only twice in the last two millennia can outstanding sources of such amalgamated horrors be found. They are Nazi Germany and the Roman Catholic Church. To the relief of human-kind, the Nazi’s were stamped out in about 12 years. Yet, the Roman Catholic Church keeps chugging away with its invective and error to extend misery in the name of a loving God according to it‘s self proclaimed special understanding of what that God requires.
Desiring to wrest you from your stance of intolerance and ignorance, thus far I have employed science, reason, logic, careful reading of the Bible, and an examination of history. Now, in the hope of successfully liberating you from your error I will employ a bit of crudeness.
Almost all theologians now agree, along with science and common sense, that the story of Adam and Eve is just that, a story. Nothing more then an attempt by primitive humans to answer the nagging existential question of how and why did we begin. We would all do well to remember that the universe is vast beyond our ability to comprehend. It is in a word, infinite. Therefore any knowledge we might attain regarding the nature of our existence is at best, infinitesimal. That means really fucking small. If nothing else, this should inspire a spirit of humility among us. So, there was no actual Garden of Eden. No literal Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. No real apple. It is all fantasy and solely represents humankind’s discomfort with questions left unanswered. Don’t know the answer to something? Don’t research it. Don’t employ all the talents, skills and resources available to discover the reality of the situation. Much simpler to just make up some cool story and chain everybody to it for all eternity. With this fantasy exposed, there was no original sin. Original sin and the need to atone for it was the entire purpose behind God sending his only son to earth. Without original sin there is no need for the Christ at all. And even if there was a so called original sin, what kind of twisted, sadistic monster would require the torture and death of someone to atone for it? Would you? What offense could one suffer that would require the scourging and crucifixion of someone totally unrelated to the offense thousands of years later? Its all so ridiculous. In the Old Testament we are instructed that the punishment for an offense cannot exceed the offense itself. This is commonly known as the eye for an eye standard. In the New Testament, we find Jesus further moderating the response to offenses by saying the offender should be forgiven seventy times seven times. Literally taken, that is 490 offenses before punishment can be handed down. But, biblically, the number seven is representative of infinity. What Jesus is actually instructing is that we should forgive infinity times infinity times ten times! Hector and I could fuck ourselves to death and not reach that number. It’s all crap. Science, evolution, archeology, genetics, anthropology, mathematics and simple common sense scream out the impossibility of starting an entire species with only one breeding pair. And, even if such nonsense were possible, it would be incest on a colossal scale. Do you think the best method God could devise for bringing forth humanity would be to mandate that humanity spring forth through the genetically damaged offspring of incestuous mating?
Its all crap. The reason for Jesus coming is crap. The necessity of his suffering and torturous death is crap. Christianity itself is nothing but crap, heaped upon crap, stacked on more crap. Thus, you don’t have a Christian house. You have a house of crap. And, since all you homophobic, knowledge hating, ignorant, self-righteous, Pharisaical, micro-hearted, arrogant, disciples of crap think homosexuality is only about ass fucking, then I can think of no better place for ass fucking then in a house of crap. And trust me, Hector and I fuck the shit out of each other quite often. So, I think we could make your house even crappier. With us going at it night and day plowing each other mercilessly, in no time at all you could have the crappiest house in town. Unless of course there are some fags there who do threesomes or orgies, because no matter how much we fuck we couldn’t match the eye popping, ass pounding achieved in threesomes and orgies.
I am guessing by now you are pretty pissed. That’s what happens when you demonstrate to someone full of themselves that they have taken an untenable position. Perhaps in time, your anger will fade and you will realize just how smart it is to open your eyes and your heart. That, anyway, is my hope. But don’t worry, even if you don’t manage to free yourself from your ignorance before you die, we are not in need of your understanding and acceptance. Most of us have moved beyond the self hatred we suffered due to the indoctrination of the ignorant like you. Though you seek to injure us, still we reach out to you with love and the desire for healthy meaningful relationships. The tide has already turned and the light at the end of the tunnel is both warming and beautiful.
With regards, your loving and definitely not abhorrent son,
James
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Dear Mom,
A couple of days before Christmas, Rick (my brother) informed me via email that both you and Nan ( my mother’s sister who lives with her) were practically bedridden with the flu and in desperate need of some nursing and general assistance. Immediately, I felt the desire to jump on a plane, fly the 13 times zones (I am in The Philippines, my mother in Louisiana) in order to provide a measure of comfort to you both. I was also mindful of your’s and Nan’s advanced age (77 and 87 respectively) and the fact that for people so long in the tooth the flu is often much more then a mere nuisance. I talked to Hector (my incredibly loving partner who also happens to be a registered nurse) and we both decided that traveling there to assist you both would be an act of kindness, though with some difficulty and expense, we could render unto you both. So, when I called you on Christmas day, it wasn’t just to wish you an innocuous Merry Christmas, but to also lift your spirits with the knowledge that your son and his partner both cared enough for you to undertake such an endeavor. But, upon revealing the good news to you , you dealt me a blow to the stomach with a red hot iron that burned long after it was delivered. You said, “You cannot stay here. This is a Christian home and I won’t have that in my house.” Those words will ring in my ears till the day I die.
After our call ended, which you will recall was not long after your assault, I regained most of my composure and began to ponder what could it possibly be about being Christian that would cause you to throw a pile of shit like that into the face of someone who loved and cared for you so much as to be willing to do for you what I was willing and ready to do. I went to my Bible, yes, I have a Bible (As will become more then obvious as this letter unfolds, I am not a Christian) and here are some of the things I found along with some secular wisdom:
It is generally accepted as wise that a good offense is a strong defense. But you hold the opposite opinion it seems, that a good defense is to be strongly offensive. I hadn’t even asked for us to stay at your Christian house. Though doing so would seem obvious since the whole purpose of our going there was to help you. This is not the first time you have used the pre-emptive strike against me. When I was there in November without Hector and I needed a ride to the airport because the one I had arranged fell through, upon telling you this you immediately pronounced ex cathedra, “Well, I’m not going to take you!” You really are quite good at the body punch. I hadn’t even asked you to take me. And, even if I had asked, you could have said something kind, wonderful and Christian like, “Oh, sorry to hear that. I can’t take you myself but let’s work together to make sure you arrive in time for your flight.” That would have been both more Christian and more humane, don’t you think?
I just don’t understand why the whole gay thing is so troublesome for so many Christians. I know it took you all a while, but you eventually came to accept in the light of irrefutable scientific discovery that the earth was not really flat and that the sun did not revolve around it. Though it is prudent here to recall that acceptance of this reality did not arrive without its martyrs; the many burned alive for daring to contradict the Bible and the mighty Holy Roman Catholic Church. Like those discoveries, and please note that a discovery is really just uncovering what is already there but up till that point unseen, it has been “discovered” (finally!) by the experts in the field of psychiatry and psychology that homosexuality is a natural occurrence in human beings, primates and other animals. That’s right, natural. Now, does being Christian actually require that you reject discovery completely or just until a fixed number of people have suffered enough to help you let go of your absurd fixation with adherence to being a mindless slave to enacting Bible mandates as they are literally written? If this is so, you can rest assured that by now Christians have caused untold suffering to the homosexuals among us and preceding us. How much more suffering do you require? Do you know? Is it in the Bible somewhere? Would you use the Bible as your sole source of information on geography (flat earth, earth at center of universe, earth mounted on four really large columns - that illustration was in my Bible when I was a boy- )? How about medicine ( leprosy and menstruation are curses)? Is the Bible your sole source for that? I could go on and on here but it is obvious to anyone with firing neurons that using the Bible as a sole source of anything is patently absurd.
It is said that you should not judge someone till you have walked a mile in that person’s shoes. So, just for the revelation it may provide you, imagine that you yourself were homosexual. How would it affect you? How would you feel if the self-proclaimed “righteous” despite all scientific evidence to the contrary continued to hold that there was something inherently defective about you? That even when they reached the conclusion that homosexuality itself was ok but actually living a homosexual life, expressing your very nature in a loving way was sinful? That no matter how loving and kind you were, any homosexual acts made you a monster and abhorrent to man and God. You might do as I have and looked at how Jesus himself responded to those engaged in perceived sexual transgressions. Jesus caused scandal by dining and associating with prostitutes. Dining with someone back then was considered quite intimate. Can you find even a single incidence in the Bible of Jesus condemning prostitutes? What about the woman about to be stoned by the crowed for having committed adultery? He told the crowd that the one among them without sin should cast the first stone, essentially admonishing them to humbly consider their own sinfulness before scrutinizing the sinfulness of another. Remove the plank from your own eye before going after the mote in the eye of another. But, let me assert here, I don’t think, and neither do the experts, that homosexuality is sinful or mote producing, but even if it was, Jesus is quite clear about what your response to it should be. In fact, if you read your Bible well, you will see that aside from a helpless fig tree, the only thing Jesus ever condemned were the Pharisees who thought themselves the most pious and righteous of all.
Now, I do know that the Bible does say some very explicit and ugly things about homosexuality. In the New Testament it is Saint Paul who authors they admonitions. In the Old Testament, chiefly the admonitions against homosexuality are found in Leviticus along with laws proscribing death to those who eat pork , shrimp, death to unruly children, who, according to Leviticus should be taken to the city gates and dashed to death upon them. Read on and on for more insanity. Please note however that in the entire Bible, Jesus utters not one single word regarding homosexuality, not one. If, homosexuality is an offense against God of the magnitude Christians make it out to be, you would think Jesus might have said something about it.
If the trouble with homosexuality is that it is technically adultery since some parts of society still will not allow same sex marriage, you might want to do some research on what marriage really is historically and how the only role of society is to note that two persons have themselves “married” by committing to live a loving life together with each other. Even now in marriage ceremonies, the minister or judge does not say, “I marry you” or “I cause you to be married”. Essentially the function of the minister or judge is to pronounce formally the union that was created by the couple themselves. Societal failure to recognize homosexual marriages does nothing to avert them, it only averts official recognition of them. So, therefore, homosexuals in a loving, committed relationship are married, whether you think they are or not and cannot commit adultery. But, again, even if you hold it is adulterous, recall Jesus’ response to adultery and contemplate your own sinfulness please.
Sadly, it is inescapably apparent, that you and others who share your views on homosexuality are in grave error. To steadfastly cling to your ignorance in the face of scientific research, careful examination of everything said in the Bible and just plain common sense requires tenacious self-righteousness, towering arrogance, deep, cold mean spiritedness and a Pharisaical sense of superiority. And let’s not forget the gargantuan hubris of thinking you know better then others the very mind and desires of God.
You and those like you are toxic. From 13 time zones away it sickens me. I will not expose Hector to your venom any more then I would give a child a viper as a crib mate. You will never have to worry about having “that” in your Christian house.
Now, just to be thorough, perhaps you might consider what follows as well.
Take an objective look at history. Identify honestly what caused the most suffering to humans over the last two thousand years. Look for the eruptions of cruel subjugation, manipulation, threats of terror, torture and death and the actual infliction of said terrors, tortures and death. Only twice in the last two millennia can outstanding sources of such amalgamated horrors be found. They are Nazi Germany and the Roman Catholic Church. To the relief of human-kind, the Nazi’s were stamped out in about 12 years. Yet, the Roman Catholic Church keeps chugging away with its invective and error to extend misery in the name of a loving God according to it‘s self proclaimed special understanding of what that God requires.
Desiring to wrest you from your stance of intolerance and ignorance, thus far I have employed science, reason, logic, careful reading of the Bible, and an examination of history. Now, in the hope of successfully liberating you from your error I will employ a bit of crudeness.
Almost all theologians now agree, along with science and common sense, that the story of Adam and Eve is just that, a story. Nothing more then an attempt by primitive humans to answer the nagging existential question of how and why did we begin. We would all do well to remember that the universe is vast beyond our ability to comprehend. It is in a word, infinite. Therefore any knowledge we might attain regarding the nature of our existence is at best, infinitesimal. That means really fucking small. If nothing else, this should inspire a spirit of humility among us. So, there was no actual Garden of Eden. No literal Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. No real apple. It is all fantasy and solely represents humankind’s discomfort with questions left unanswered. Don’t know the answer to something? Don’t research it. Don’t employ all the talents, skills and resources available to discover the reality of the situation. Much simpler to just make up some cool story and chain everybody to it for all eternity. With this fantasy exposed, there was no original sin. Original sin and the need to atone for it was the entire purpose behind God sending his only son to earth. Without original sin there is no need for the Christ at all. And even if there was a so called original sin, what kind of twisted, sadistic monster would require the torture and death of someone to atone for it? Would you? What offense could one suffer that would require the scourging and crucifixion of someone totally unrelated to the offense thousands of years later? Its all so ridiculous. In the Old Testament we are instructed that the punishment for an offense cannot exceed the offense itself. This is commonly known as the eye for an eye standard. In the New Testament, we find Jesus further moderating the response to offenses by saying the offender should be forgiven seventy times seven times. Literally taken, that is 490 offenses before punishment can be handed down. But, biblically, the number seven is representative of infinity. What Jesus is actually instructing is that we should forgive infinity times infinity times ten times! Hector and I could fuck ourselves to death and not reach that number. It’s all crap. Science, evolution, archeology, genetics, anthropology, mathematics and simple common sense scream out the impossibility of starting an entire species with only one breeding pair. And, even if such nonsense were possible, it would be incest on a colossal scale. Do you think the best method God could devise for bringing forth humanity would be to mandate that humanity spring forth through the genetically damaged offspring of incestuous mating?
Its all crap. The reason for Jesus coming is crap. The necessity of his suffering and torturous death is crap. Christianity itself is nothing but crap, heaped upon crap, stacked on more crap. Thus, you don’t have a Christian house. You have a house of crap. And, since all you homophobic, knowledge hating, ignorant, self-righteous, Pharisaical, micro-hearted, arrogant, disciples of crap think homosexuality is only about ass fucking, then I can think of no better place for ass fucking then in a house of crap. And trust me, Hector and I fuck the shit out of each other quite often. So, I think we could make your house even crappier. With us going at it night and day plowing each other mercilessly, in no time at all you could have the crappiest house in town. Unless of course there are some fags there who do threesomes or orgies, because no matter how much we fuck we couldn’t match the eye popping, ass pounding achieved in threesomes and orgies.
I am guessing by now you are pretty pissed. That’s what happens when you demonstrate to someone full of themselves that they have taken an untenable position. Perhaps in time, your anger will fade and you will realize just how smart it is to open your eyes and your heart. That, anyway, is my hope. But don’t worry, even if you don’t manage to free yourself from your ignorance before you die, we are not in need of your understanding and acceptance. Most of us have moved beyond the self hatred we suffered due to the indoctrination of the ignorant like you. Though you seek to injure us, still we reach out to you with love and the desire for healthy meaningful relationships. The tide has already turned and the light at the end of the tunnel is both warming and beautiful.
With regards, your loving and definitely not abhorrent son,
James
upon reading this blog i realized how helpful expressing one's feeling can be, not just to the one expressing them, but to someone like me who they help as well. the doubts i still had inside me whether to rely more on the truth of reason, science and my own experiences or what i now see are the delusions and errors of religion are finally gone. what you wrote helped me free myself from the hold religion had on me.
ReplyDeletei am a gay man in a loving committed relationship. we homosexuals have the right to be respected and accepted as we are no matter what any church says. even a brief look at human history will reveal the many contributions to society made by homosexuals even as we faced fervent persecution.
thanks you and please continue to share your insights.
Oh, how I cringe at the words, "You cannot stay here. This is a Christian home." As you have related in your blog, these words are the antithesis of Christianity. After reading it, I was stunned, and then a slow, muddy feeling of sadness seeped up inside of me. I think it one of the worst things in the world to have an act of love returned with an act of rejection.
ReplyDelete